Dear Prongs
by angelbud2233
Summary: (One-shot) ((PG-13 for mild swearing))You're my best friend, Prongs. You know that and I know that. Hell! Everyone knows that if we're naming people. But there's something different between us latetly. And this something isn't exactly the best of things..


**I don't own any of these characters or Harry Potter. I own my Harry Potter books! But that's another story though...**  
  
**_Dear Prongs_**

* * *

Dear Prongs,  
  
Yeah I already know what you're thinking. Why in hell would I be writing you a letter when I can just walk up to you any time I bloody want and say what's on my mind? Well I'll tell you. There are just somethings I can't say to you face-to-face that I have to put in a stupid little letter. So here it is. My letter of confessing things, stupid comments, and other things. (Won't really know until the letters done!)  
  
Do you remember the first day at Hogwarts? We were getting sorted into our houses and I remember thinking "Whatever house I go to I'm royally screwed." It wasn't easy being in my postion. If I didn't end up in Slytherin I'd get scolded for it at home...and if I ended up in Slytherin my life would be a living hell. So there I was, smiling, laughing, telling jokes and it all being a lie to cover up my nervousness. Then as I sat on that stupid stool I looked around the crowd of first years and there you were. You were laughing with Remus bragging about some egostical thing and I was jealous. You seemed to be the only person who was calm about this! You were acting like this was no big deal at all! Of course...I found out eventually you were feeling just as I was too. But when that stupid hat yelled Gryffindor, you were the first to congradulate me telling me to save you a seat! Wow Prongs, and to think...you're still a concieted moron...and I happened to have caught the curse too! Although...you were right...you did get into Gryffindor with me.  
  
You're always right, eh? Sometimes it pisses me off to no end. I'm supposed to be the smarter one! Seniority gives you wisdom! And since I am older than you (if only by a few months) I should be the wise correct one! Oh well. I'll live somehow! At least I know Moony is always gonna be smarter than you! I wouldn't be surprised if he was the longest to live out of the group of us Marauders! I swear if he wasn't so smart he'd be in loads of trouble without us! Pete too. He's about as smart as a bloody rock! But who knows, eh Prongs? He could be the smartest one of us all and just hides it to feel...uh...more...well more of something!  
  
But hey! What would I do without you guys? I'd be nothing. I couldn't go on unless you were there. You're why I am who I am. I know it sounds completely corny and something you'd hear in a muggle movie or a book...but in this case it's true. I remember when I first knew for sure you were my best friend. I had just gotten a letter from my mother and she was yelling at me for well...for being friends with you. A Black and a Potter? It sounds insane she'd say! Oh how I hate my family. So I got depressed. I went outside in the rain to go think and clear my head without anyone seeing me a mess. I was the pranker, the joker, the kid with a smile always on his face; depressing never fit my personality...so I went out there so no one would have to see me that way. But you followed me out there. I swear it seems like you spent an hour naming all the reasons why I should go back inside. "You'll get pnemonia! It's cold! You can think in a warm empty classroom! Don't be thick!" But I've always been stuborn, so I stayed put. I even told you to leave me there and go back inside. Although, two minutes later of more of your yelling, you plopped right beside me at the edge of the lake muttering something about, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!" I asked you why you would ever want to stay in the rain with me and you told me that if I was going to be stupid enough to get myself sick on purpose, you were just going to have to join me so I wouldn't be lonely. You stuck by me, James. You stuck by me when I never asked you to...and you know I'd do the same for you anyday.  
  
I'm wondering about something though. Why'd you stay? I honestly hadn't asked you to. In fact...I told you to leave. I wasn't going to let you or anyone else see what I was feeling inside. That poor ol' Sirius could actually get depressed. But you stayed despite my telling you I was fine. You stayed...and after seven years I still don't know why you did! I thought once you heard about my family and the filth that they are, you'd abandon me thinking I was exactly like they were. But you didn't. You made me feel like we were brothers. When no one else wanted to stop and understand me, you did. And although I don't know why, thanks for staying.  
  
You know, I used to force all my energy into me trying to always smile and laugh. I was content with my life always being a forced smile that I couldn't hold forever. But when I'd laugh sometimes it'd be fake and I'd want to murder some of the people who bought into it. Ironic of me to have wanted to hurt them when they were doing the exact thing I wanted them to. But then there was you. You let me be me. You'd cheer me up without knowing it with a prank or a joke...or just being there with me talking. You gave me faith and hope that people weren't as bad as I always thought growing up. You gave me a reason to laugh without an act. You let me be me. Sad to think I'm asking why too! But that's just me.  
  
You're my best friend, Prongs. You know that and I know that. Hell! Everyone knows that if we're naming people. But there's something different between us latetly. And this something isn't exactly the best of things. Something's been added to our friendship...or taken away. I know what's the problem though. It's Lily. I know it's her. Not to let you think that I'm speaking bad or ill of her! Of course not! I know she's a great person...but sometimes I hate her so much. She stole away my best friend. She changed you too. I don't say anything to you about it though...I can't. Who wants their best friend mad at them? Certainly not me. So I stay quiet most of the time.  
  
Do you remember in our third year when we were staying up late one night just talking down in the common room and out of the blue you made me promise you something. You made me swear to you that I would never let a girl break us apart or stop us from being so close as we are now. So I promised you. And you promised me too. I guess I'm stupid to be thinking of a promise we made when we were thirteen. I guess I'm stupid to think that you're breaking it.  
  
But how can I not think that's what's happening? Most of the time that's all you can think about or talk about. "Oy! Padfoot! Did I tell you what Lily did in Transfiguration today?!" "Sirius, what am I going to do about Lily?" I smile as I write this just thinking about all the times you'd tell me that. But when you want to talk about Lily I let you. I know you're falling for her. You're falling for her fast. Sometimes it scares me though. I'm scared I'm about to lose you to a girl, despite a stupid promise we made when we were thirteen. I'm afraid that you're forgetting all about me. I always half-thought you would. You have big dreams for the future and you decided I should tag along with you. But what if you don't want me to anymore? What if that's all that's happening. You're leaving me behind. I'll be all alone again. Remus and Peter can't understand what I'm going through. I don't have my family to go to because I ran away from my family a long time ago...and the only thing I can think of doing is just jumping into relationships with other girls. Snogging the most beautiful willing girl.  
  
How could I have been so stupid? I was stupid enough to believe that this might never happen. That we would never start to grow apart. I can't stand the thought...but she's pushing us farther apart. And you won't stop it. And I won't stop it because she makes you happy. It kills me that there will be something wrong with me or bothering me and I just smile because you want to talk about Lily. I guess this is a better time than others to tell you finally. My father, he died. He died for a cause I'm against. He died laughing at an Auror yelling that he'd get vengence. You know what the last thing we talked about was? Before I ran away to your house that is. I don't think I ever told you. He hit me yelling that I wasn't his son and I was filth to him. That I was lower than scum, and his main reason for hating me was because of my beliefs. So I packed up my things, told him to rot in hell and left. And now he's dead. Now he really is rotting in hell...and I don't know if I should be feeling guilty or not that I never cleared things up with. I don't know if I should want to cry or smile at his death. I know it makes me sound heartless...but I don't care right now.  
  
That happened nearly a month ago. But I never told you. I never told you because I didn't think you cared anymore. Your life practically revolves around Lily now. Do you know how many times I tried telling you? I tried so many damn times but I never said it. You always interrupted with something about Lily. You always started talking about Lily this and Lily that. So I gave you a smile and just listened. Although, in the back of my mind I kept on thinking to myself. Thinking in my own little world. So is this it? I'm all alone now?  
  
It feels like you have no time for me anymore. When we'll be talking...I'll be in the middle of a story, you'll yell off to me "I've gotta go! Tell me later Padfoot!" and you'll leave me. It won't matter what I'm talking about anymore. I could talk about jumping off of the castle and you hardly pay any attention anymore. But the sad thing is, I think you haven't noticed the change. I think you haven't noticed that there's something wrong with me. I think you haven't noticed that you're not there for me anymore when you used to be. It feels like I have to ask you to stay...and even if I do you'll leave two minutes later anyway.  
  
But you know, there's other times when I think different. Like when you've just thought of the perfect prank, you'll push aside all the first years in the common room to come find me to tell of our next big prank. You have no idea how fun it is to just prank a Slytherin with you.  
  
Although...those times are scarce now. You won't prank anyone as much anymore because Lily dissaproves. Yep...yet again Lily gets in the way of us hanging out anymore. It makes me feel even worse because you were the one who always thought I'd ditch you because of who you are. When all along you've gone and ditched me. Not exactly ditched me for who I am...just ditched me for Lily.  
  
So as long as you're happy with Lily...I'll be happy for you. I'll let my problems eat me alive before I let that smile be wiped away from your face. I've gotten used to just acting happy all the time now...I can sure as hell put on a fake act around you too. It'll make you happier.  
  
But not for one minute should you be thinking that I'm mad at you or you were a bad friend to me. Nothing's your fault. The only thing you did was fall for Lily. It's my own fault I never told you I was upset. I just want you to be happy. Lily is what makes you happy. So why bother you with a problem of mine that could make you get upset or sad?  
  
You're my best friend. You're my brother for life. I'd help you with anything you wanted me to. I'll stick by you when no one else will. There's nothing you can do that'll make me hate you and make us any less of brothers.  
  
Now that I've rambled on I'll end this letter. Please don't get mad because of this Lily thing.  
  
The One and Only Padfoot!!  
  
p.s. When the bloody hell is Quiditch practice?!  
  
_**Okay this is just one of the one-shots that I wrote out a few weeks ago...and now I'm going to post it. Most of this is how I felt at the time....well yeah. So I'm going to dedicate this to my best friend, Ren. Brother's for life, eh Ren? lol well...twins? Anyway...I'm off to go write more stuff now.**_


End file.
